Walking in Kindness. (Ephesians 4 31-32)

This Podcast is part of a 10-year project to complete an in-depth, daily study of the entire Bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. 

Episode Notes:  Walking in Kindness. (Ephesians 4  31-32)

We’ve been walking together through Ephesians 4 — a chapter where Paul takes the great truths of the gospel and brings them right down into the everyday details of life.

He has shown us that spiritual growth is not something vague or mystical. It is practical, it is observable, and it is lived out in the ordinary moments of our day.

So far, chapter 4 has taught us to:

To speak the truth with honesty and compassion

To handle anger in a righteous, disciplined way

To work diligently and generously

To use our words to build people up, not tear them down

And now, as Paul brings this section of the letter to a close, he gives us two of the most beautiful, but most challenging, and most Christ‑like commands in the entire chapter:

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender‑hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:31–32)

This is where the whole chapter has been leading. This is the destination of our “walk in righteousness.” This is what spiritual maturity looks like when it finally takes root in the heart and life of the believer.

So today, we begin exploring what it means to walk in kindness….

Transcript

Walking in Kindness. (Eph 4: 31-32)

Transcript:

Welcome & Introduction:

Welcome back, friends.

We’ve been walking together through Ephesians 4 — a chapter where Paul takes the great truths of the gospel and brings them right down into the everyday details of life.

He has shown us that spiritual growth is not something vague or mystical. It is practical, it is observable, and it is lived out in the ordinary moments of our day.

So far, chapter 4 has taught us to:

To speak the truth with honesty and compassion

To handle anger in a righteous, disciplined way

To work diligently and generously

To use our words to build people up, not tear them down

And now, as Paul brings this section of the letter to a close, he gives us two of the most beautiful, but most challenging, and most Christ‑like commands in the entire chapter:

“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender‑hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:31–32)

This is where the whole chapter has been leading. This is the destination of our “walk in righteousness.” This is what spiritual maturity looks like when it finally takes root in the heart and life of the believer.

So today, we begin exploring what it means to walk in kindness….

We are often told that as believers, we ought to be growing in our faith.

But what I hear far less often is practical advice on what that actually means.

Thankfully, Paul gives us exactly that.

He has just taught us how to speak truth with compassion, how to express righteous indignation without sinning, how to work honestly and encourage others, and how to use our words to build people up. And now he tells us that spiritual growth must also be expressed in kindness, tender‑heartedness, and forgiveness in all our interactions.

This whole chapter has been framed around the idea of taking off the old life and putting on the new.

Paul uses the metaphor of changing clothes:

Take off lying — put on truth.

Take off sinful anger — put on righteous indignation.

Take off stealing — put on honest work.

Take off corrupt speech — put on edifying words.

And now:

Take off bitterness — put on kindness.  

Take off wrath — put on tenderness.  

Take off malice — put on forgiveness.

This is what Paul means when he speaks of “walking in righteousness.” It is not a list of cold commandments like the Old Testament law. It is a deeply personal transformation of the heart, the mind, and the character.

And now, as he closes this section, Paul gives us a list of five destructive attitudes that must be removed if kindness is ever going to flourish.

1. “Let all bitterness…”

Bitterness is resentment that has hardened. It is a settled attitude of the heart that refuses reconciliation.

I speak to people all the time who are still carrying bitterness from things that happened decades ago, maybe even in their childhood, or in their marriages, in their workplaces, and in their churches. I have spoken to people in their 70s, 80s, even 90s who are still holding onto resentments from when they were children.

Bitterness is like a weed that grows deeper the longer it is left alone.

It poisons the soil of the heart. It chokes out joy, and it suffocates kindness.

And Paul says plainly: “Put it away.”

Not manage it.

Not justify it.

Not nurse it.

Not explain it.

Not revisit it.

Put it away… Because bitterness is not only dangerous, it is ungodly

and unrighteous.

2. “Let all… wrath” be put away also.

Wrath is the sudden explosion of anger — the outburst, the eruption, the moment when emotion overrides reason.

Earlier in the chapter, Paul told us to “be angry,” but that type of anger was a righteous indignation, anger at injustice, anger at sin, anger that protects others from abuse. But here, the anger mentioned is different. This is the deepest hostility that simmers beneath the surface and then erupts in rage.

There is an ancient proverb that says: “Anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind.” When you are angry, you don’t think straight. This kind of anger does more damage to you than to the person you are angry with.

It is like the fighting fish in Thailand, a species so aggressive that even when placed in separate jars, they will smash themselves against the glass trying to attack each other. They injure themselves more than their opponent.

That is what wrath does. It injures the container that holds it.

And Paul says:

“Throw it away.”

3. “Let all… clamour.”

Clamour is anger expressed through loud, harsh, or aggressive speech. It sits between “anger” and “evil speaking” because it is the bridge between the two.

Clamour is shouting, arguing, verbal aggression, raised voices, heated exchanges, harsh tones. It is anger spilling out of the mouth. 

And Paul says, “Put it away.”

4. “Let all… evil speaking.”

This includes slander, speaking falsely about someone in a way that damages their reputation. It includes gossip or repeating rumours without knowing whether they are true.

It includes speaking behind someone's back, backbiting, mocking, and character assassination.

There is an old saying:

“Wise men talk about ideas.

Ordinary people talk about things.

Fools talk about each other.”

Think about it, today, gossip is one of the main economic engines of the internet and the media. But gossip easily becomes slander, and slander destroys lives.

Paul says: “Put it away.”

5. “Let all… malice.”

Malice is the desire to hurt someone, even if only with words. It is the opposite of kindness. 

It is the opposite of tenderness.

It is the opposite of forgiveness.

Malice is the desire to injure someone else. It is the settled intention to hurt, to wound, to get even. And Paul says:

“Put away ALL malice.”

Not some. Not most. Not the obvious kinds…. All of it.

And I believe Paul is describing a progression here, a sort of spiritual chain reaction.

It begins with bitterness — a small seed of resentment. A little irritation or a hurt we refuse to let go of. At first, it seems small. Insignificant. Not worth dealing with.

But bitterness is like a weed in a garden. If you don’t pull it up when it’s small, it will grow. It will multiply. It will spread and eventually, it will take over the whole garden.

If bitterness is not removed, it grows into wrath, anger, then becomes clamour, expressed in slander, and finally malice.

Left unchecked, these things spiral out of control.

Most people who commit terrible acts did not wake up one morning and decide to do them. They harboured resentment for years. They fed it, they nurtured it, and they allowed it to grow. If you want to grow good fruit in your life, you must actively remove the weeds as soon as they appear.

Now Paul turns to the positive side of the command.

“Be kind to one another, tender‑hearted, forgiving one another,

even as God in Christ forgave you.”

(Ephesians 4:32)

Here are the three virtues that replace the five vices:

·         Kindness

·         Tender‑heartedness

·         Forgiveness

This is what righteousness looks like in practice.

Let’s take them one at a time.

1. “Be kind to one another.”

The Greek word for kind means “to do good in a way that is useful or helpful.”

Kindness is not sentimentality; it is not vague niceness, and it is not simply smiling at people. Kindness is practical goodness. It is doing something that benefits someone else.

And often, kindness is not big or dramatic. It is small and simple, ordinary even.

It could be a text message, a phone call, or a simple word of encouragement. A cup of tea or coffee is shared. A listening ear or a helping hand is offered.

Sometimes kindness is as simple as saying, “How are you doing?”

and actually meaning it.

Until a few years ago, my wife and I visited a lady in a nursing home.

Instead of just sitting with her, we wheeled her across the road to a little coffee shop a few hundred yards away.

It was the first time she had been outside in over two years.

While we were out, she bought a punnet of strawberries. Later, she told us: “You cannot imagine the thrill of buying myself some strawberries instead of just eating whatever the home gives me.”

It was such a small thing. But it meant the world to her.

Kindness doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be real.

2. “Be tender‑hearted”

Tender‑heartedness is the opposite of hard‑heartedness. 

And what makes a heart hard?

Bitterness.

Wrath.

Anger.

Clamour.

Slander.

Malice.

These things harden us. They make us cold and closed. They make us unresponsive to God and unresponsive to people.

Jesus once said that Moses permitted divorce, “because of the hardness of your hearts.” Hard‑heartedness destroys relationships.

Jesus also rebuked His disciples for being hard‑hearted because they were not receptive to what He was trying to teach them.

A hard heart cannot hear God.

A hard heart cannot love people.

And a hard heart cannot grow spiritually.

Tender‑heartedness, on the other hand, keeps us open, soft, responsive, and compassionate.

It is the soil in which kindness grows.

3. “Forgiving one another.”

Forgiveness is the final virtue — and the hardest.

Paul says: 

“…forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Forgiveness is not optional. It is not a suggestion. It is also not a personality trait, it is a command.

And the standard is not just to forgive when they deserve it, forgive when they apologise. It not to just forgive when it’s easy or forgive when you feel like it. The standard is: “Forgive as God forgave you.”

How did God forgive you?

Freely

Fully

Generously

Undeservedly

Repeatedly

Sacrificially

Lovingly…

Wow, how deep and wide is the forgiveness of God in Christ. Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of Christ‑likeness.

We all need to watch our hearts and be careful to stay tender-hearted; otherwise, we will not hear what God is trying to say to us. Becoming tender-hearted as described in verse 32 will help eliminate the sins we see listed in verse 31."

Peter also speaks about being tender‑hearted in 1 Peter 3. He says: 

“Go and render a blessing.”

Why? 

Because blessing others is one of the ways God softens our hearts.

Peter and Paul are in complete agreement. Both apostles say the same thing in the same breath:

If you want to develop a tender heart, you must make a conscious decision to put aside anger and resentment and actively bless people with kindness.

Tender‑heartedness doesn’t grow in isolation.

It grows through action.

Through kindness.

Through compassion.

Through choosing to bless even when you don’t feel like it.

But Paul doesn’t stop at kindness. He added something even more challenging: “…forgiving one another…”

The word Paul uses for forgive means to show favour and to extend grace freely. In other words, to treat someone better than they deserve.

Forgiveness has two parts:

·         Releasing the offence

·         Showing grace to the offender.

It is not merely saying, “I forgive you.” It is choosing to treat the person graciously even when the wound still aches.

M. R. DeHaan, the well‑known Bible teacher from the Radio Bible Class, once said:

“We cannot judge spirituality by prayers, or loud testimonies,

or generous giving. The surest test of spirituality is the grace of forgiveness.”

He went on:

“It is hard to forgive the person and it is hard to forgive the offence.

But the more we look at Jesus, the more we become like Him, and the easier it becomes to forgive.

When we remember how much He has forgiven us, we should be willing to forgive others as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven us.”

I agree with him.

Forgiveness offered is one of the ultimate measures of true spirituality.

“Forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” This is the heart of the gospel.

The first step toward becoming a Christian is recognising that we are sinners. The church is not a museum for saints; it is a community of forgiven sinners.

The Bible says the penalty for sin is death. But God, in His mercy, sent His Son to pay that penalty for us.

If God had said, “You must be religious to be forgiven,” it would be like saying, “You must clean the house before the cleaner arrives.”

No — God said:

“The penalty is death, but My Son will die in your place.”

We are forgiven not because we are good, not because we are religious, not because we try hard, but because Jesus died and rose again.

And when we trust in Christ, God forgives all our sins. 

Not some.

Not most.

Not the big ones only.

All.

Past sins.

Present sins.

Future sins.

The Bible is dogmatic about this:

Ephesians says all

Colossians says all

John says all

Hebrews says once for all

If that is true — and it is — then what percentage of people who sin against us must we forgive?

The answer is always the same…. All of them.

You cannot say, “I’ll forgive him, and him, and him — but not her.”

There may be someone in your life you feel you can never forgive. I don’t underestimate the pain some people have caused you. But Paul says: Forgive all, because God forgave all.

I read a biography of a business leader, and whilst as a young employee he was once caught stealing and summoned to the director’s office. He expected dismissal, perhaps even the police.

He admitted his guilt, and he offered no defense. The director said:

“I will not report you. I will give you another chance — if I can trust you.”

The young man promised he had learned his lesson, and he said he had that day.

As he left the room, the director added:

“You are the second trainee to make this mistake in the history of this company and be pardoned. I was the first — forty years ago.”

Forgiveness received became forgiveness offered. If we do not forgive others, we forget that we ourselves have been forgiven.

But God not only forgave us, He blessed us.

Paul says in Ephesians 1 that God has given us, “every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.”

This is not just amazing grace; it is outrageous grace. And the Christian life is simply this: Receive that grace, and then go and give it away.

Forgive as you have been forgiven.

Bless as you have been blessed.

Show kindness as Christ has shown kindness to you.

The Real Issue is Attitude, Not Just Actions.

Most people think of sin as the big, dramatic things:

Murder

Adultery

Theft

Violence

And yes, avoiding those things may keep you out of prison…. But it won’t get you into heaven.

Paul doesn’t mention those sins here. He goes straight to the roots of sin:

Bitterness

Wrath

Anger

Clamour

Slander

Malice

These are sins of the heart. Sins of attitude. Sins expressed through words. And too many Christians don’t have these on their list of sins

to deal with.But Paul says, these are the weeds that choke out kindness, tender‑heartedness, and forgiveness.

Pull them up.

Remove them.

Replace them.

This is how we walk in kindness.

Outro:

Thank you for joining me today.

Ephesians 4 has shown us that spiritual growth is not abstract, it is practical, relational, and deeply personal.

We grow by removing bitterness and planting kindness.

We grow by softening our hearts and extending forgiveness.

We grow by receiving God’s outrageous grace and then giving it away.

In our next episode, we move into one of the most beautiful themes

in the Christian life:

And next time, Paul takes us even deeper.

In Ephesians 5:1–7, he calls us to something even more profound:

“Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us.”

In our next episode, we’ll explore what it means to imitate God, to live a life of sacrificial love, and to reflect the heart of Christ in a world that desperately needs it.

I hope you’ll join me for that.

Until then, may the Lord fill your heart with kindness, soften your spirit with tenderness, and empower you to forgive as you have been forgiven.